Post 41 French piles

66 A   French Piles

‘Frank, my piles are killing me. I need something to give me some relief. It was so stupid of me not to bring my ointment. I can’t think how I forgot. Would you drive into that town we came through on the way here and see if you can pick something up at a chemist?’ 

‘I’m not sure my French is up to that but I’ll give it a try.’

‘The chemist is almost certain to speak English, most of them do over here, don’t they? But just in case, take that French phrase book with you and perhaps a paper and pencil as well.’

‘You’re surely not suggesting I draw a picture of your piles?’

‘Well yes I am, but only if there’s no other way you can get him to understand. But before you got to that stage, you could ask if he has an English to French dictionary.                                           


Frank:    ‘ Bonjour.’

Pharmacist:     ‘Bonjour Monsieur, comment puis-je vous aider?’

Frank:    ‘Ma femme, elle a les piles.’

Pharmacist:    ‘Je ne comprend pas ‘piles’. Quels sont les ‘piles’ ?’

Frank (louder):    ‘Piles; tres grand piles.’

Pharmacist :    ‘Piles; qu'entendez-vous par ‘piles’.   Ce la signifie ‘Lots of’.  Eh bien, votre femme a beaucoup de quoi ? Beaucoup d'argent ? Beaucoup d'enfants ?’

Frank:    ‘Beaucoup de piles sur la derriere.’

Pharmacist:    ‘Beaucoup de derriere. Ta femme a un grand fond, un grand derriere ?’
Frank:    ‘Non non non. Pas un large derriere. Well actually,oui,she has un grande derriere mais le problem rest un grande pile sur las grande derriere.
pile sur la grande derriere. Avez vous a dictionary?'
Pharmacist:   'Oui, une dictionnaire. C'est une bonne idee. j'en ai une ici.'
Frank:     'Regardez ici.   Piles, elle a les piles.'
Pharmacist:     ‘Maintenant, je comprends. Hémorroïdes vous voulez dire. hemorrhoids! Votre femme a des hemorrhoids.
Frank:    'Oui, Haemorrhoids; tres large haemorrhoids sur la derriere. Beaucoup de mal!
'Phamacist :     ‘Saignent-ils ?’
Frank :     ‘Non comprendo’
Pharmacist :    ‘They bleed, oui ?’
Frank :     ‘Non bleed. Ils ne bleed pas.  Mais ils sont tres grande et beaucoup de mal.’

Phamacist :     ‘J'ai des suppositoires qui aideront.’

Frank:     ‘Non. Pas suppositories. Ointment. Avez-vous some ointment ?’

Pharmacist :     ‘Ointment, tu veux dire pommade.  Oui j'ai de la pommade. Je vais en obtenir pour vous. Appliquer quatre fois par jour.’

Frank :    ‘Oui, quatre times a day. Merci.’

Pharmacist ;    ‘ Dois-je envelopper pour vous ?’

Frank :    ‘Je m’excuse. Non comprendo.’

Pharmacist :   ‘Voulez-vous me le mettre dans un sac ?’

Frank :     ‘Oh, you mean, mettre in a bag. Non, il n’est pas necessary.’

Pharmacist :    ‘Eh bien ce sera douze euros s'il vous plaît.’

Frank :    ‘Ca c’est cher n’est pas ?’

Pharmacist :     ‘Oui, peut-être. Mais c'est un très bon onguent pour les piles.’

Frank :    ‘ Merci beaucoup. Ma femme will be tres heureux. Je suis happy that we got there in the end.’

Pharmacist :     ‘I’m only too pleased to help. I hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday and that your wife’s piles clear up quickly. Don’t hesitate to return if you need any further assistance.’

Thought for the day

No matter how politely or distinctly you ask a Parisian a question, he will persist in answering you in French.                                                           Fran Lebowitz 1946 –

You know the trouble with the French, they don’t even have a word for entrepreneur.      Attributed to George W. Bush 1946 -


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