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Post 43 Hanky Panky in the Hospital Residency

Mrs Bridget Conlon’s job title at the hospital was Domestic Supervisor; her area of responsibility, the doctor’s residency. She had held the job for as long as anyone could remember. Her job description stated that she was employed to manage all aspects of the catering and accommodation for the 20 or so young doctors for whom the residency was home. This comprised a dining room, a large lounge, two communal washrooms and a single room for each of the doctors. However, in her heart, she knew that her principal role was not to manage the building and the services within it but to guide the newly-qualified doctors safely through the rigours of their twelve-month internship.A giant of a woman with an equally large heart, she was fiercely protective of the young men and women in her care. She undertook the role of a mother hen, not by smothering them with kindness as a nurse might do with sick children, rather she applied the firm but fair hand of the regimental sergeant major.
Mrs Conlon …

Post 42 Christmas Eve in Hospital in Days Gone By

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Hospital life has changed a great deal over the last 50 years, no more so than in the way that Christmas is celebrated.In the 1960s, a unique seasonal atmosphere developed during Christmas week and for those of us who were resident, celebrating Christmas in hospital was a memorable experience.
Four or five days before the big day, the porters erected a Christmas tree in the centre of the ward.Each ward had its own box of decorations and the night staff decorated the tree, at times when the ward was quiet. Many patients assisted by making paper chains and lanterns to hang around the ward, or to design and fashion a crib which was placed in the centre of the ward - a form of occupational therapy!


Often the fairy lights - perhaps put away in a rush the previous year - declined to work and 
this was a busy time for the hospital electricians. Matron, (we don’t see them around now, 

do we), gave a prize to the ward with the most festive decorations which cheered the 

patients, lifting their spi…

Post 41 French piles

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66 AFrench Piles

‘Frank, my piles are killing me. I need something to give me some relief. It was so stupid of me not to bring my ointment. I can’t think how I forgot. Would you drive into that town we came through on the way here and see if you can pick something up at a chemist?’ 

‘I’m not sure my French is up to that but I’ll give it a try.’

‘The chemist is almost certain to speak English, most of them do over here, don’t they? But just in case, take that French phrase book with you and perhaps a paper and pencil as well.’

‘You’re surely not suggesting I draw a picture of your piles?’

‘Well yes I am, but only if there’s no other way you can get him to understand. But before you got to that stage, you could ask if he has an English to French dictionary.                                           

                                        *********************

Frank:    ‘ Bonjour.’

Pharmacist:     ‘Bonjour Monsieur, comment puis-je vous aider?’

Frank:    ‘Ma femme, elle a les piles.’

Pharmacis…

Post 40 A Yorkshire Obituary

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Farmer George Braithwaite and his wife Gladys had been happily married for 50 years when, quite suddenly, Gladys died. George was heartbroken, but being a practical man, he went to the funeral directors to make the appropriate arrangements, then visited the offices of The Yorkshire Post regarding an obituary.
When informed of the cost, George spluttered and in true Yorkshire fashion asked, ‘How much?!!’
  ‘I want summat simple’ he explained, reluctantly producing his wallet. ‘My Gladys was a good-hearted and hard-working Yorkshire lass, but she wunt ’ave wanted ’owt swanky.’
‘Perhaps a small poem’, suggested the woman behind the desk.
‘Nay,’ George replied, ‘she wunt ’ave wanted anything la-di-da. Just put;  Gladys Braithwaite died.’
‘But you need to say the date on which she died,’ the secretary said.
‘Do I?  Well, put died 17th Jan 2016. That'll do nicely.’
‘It’s usual for the bereaved to add some meaningful phrase about the dearly departed.’
George considered for a moment. ‘Well put,…

Post 39 Embarrassing Medical Moments

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Ellie Leyland was young and pretty. She was also an enthusiastic and conscientious doctor undertaking her first medical job in the days when newly qualified medics were required to be resident in the hospital.
The first cardiac arrest to which she was called occurred at three o’clock one morning and, knowing how important it was to reach the patient and to commence resuscitation as soon as humanly possible, it took her less than sixty seconds to rush from her bed in the residency to the scene of the patient’s collapse on the ward. Kneeling on the floor beside the lifeless male patient, she commenced resuscitation in textbook fashion, administering external cardiac massage with gusto.
Unfortunately, whilst engrossed in this lifesaving work, she overlooked the fact that, when rushing from her bed to the ward, she had simply thrown her white coat over her skimpy diaphanous silk nightie and dashed barefoot to the ward.She was completely unaware just how revealing the view was from the fro…